Growing up, we are all taught that our words matter and that when we say something to another person, it can deeply affect them. This remains true in adulthood, but what is often forgotten is the fact that words also affect us personally. So what is self-talk, and how does it impact and influence our lives?
What is Self-Talk?
Self-talk is described as the words and language we use when referring to ourselves, or just dialogue we use with ourselves. Several studies have been completed to identify and observe the relationship between perspective and self-talk and the results have concurred that the words we use influence our opinions, experiences, and perspective in life.
The Happiness Lab
In The Happiness Lab, a podcast led by psychologist Dr. Laurie Santos in hopes of reaching people struggling with mindset and psychological barriers, Dr. Santos shares her admiration for the book Chatter by Ethan Kross which provides strategies to combat negative thought patterns. Dr. Santos interviews Kross to delve deeper into these strategies. The main takeaways from Ethan Kross and Dr. Laurie Santos’ conversation are:
- It is important to recognize and normalize negative thoughts because they are universal and manageable with the right tools and skills.
- Negative chatter can make it difficult to focus, zooming in on possible mistakes and prolonging stress symptoms from obsessive thinking. But negative chatter shouldn’t be silenced — it should be harnessed.
- Distancing self-talk: try to coach yourself through a problem or situation by using the second pronoun “you” instead of “I”. This method can be helpful when thoughts become too overwhelming or personal when they don’t have to be. This practice allows you to step back and analyze the situation before inserting yourself into it.
- Track your memory to acknowledge how chatter, especially negative talk, only last for a certain amount of time. This reminder that this chatter does not define our situation is important because it allows our minds to see that feelings always come and go.
- Asking yourself what a friend would say to you in moments of negative self-talk or chatter can provide insight from an outside perspective which can ground you.
How Can We Change Our Self-Talk?
Self-talk is habitual and can be worked on to help you shift into a more positive mindset. In a recent article, Ethan Kross returns with the help of psychologist Leon Seltzer to break down a few ways we can change our self-talk to better ourselves.
- Self-transcendence can be used to silence your inner critic voice, which is the one nagging you about every little mess up or flaw. To use self-transcendence, we can first answer the questions our inner voice is asking. By doing so, we remove ourselves from our situation and view it as an outsider which eliminates self-criticism.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the number one way to change the way we think. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT uses several practices and methods which are the only scientifically supported ways pf combating negative thought patterns. CBT is offered widely and often easily accessible through online resources and therapists.
- Try using story editing, which is when you revise the story of whatever situation you are in to remove the unnecessary negative thoughts that become associated with the situation. Reframing a story allows you to view an obstacle or problem as an opportunity or turning point instead of a possible failure.
- Self-affirmations have been proven to overturn self-criticism and negativity. When negative thoughts arise, Seltzer recommends using affirmations and evidence to combat these thoughts. Using affirmation allows our brain to accept positive phrases, block out the negative, and silence the inner nagging voice that critiques you.
Words Build Worlds
Words hold the power to change and influence the world around us. The words and language we use impact the way we view, understand, and act in our lives. Positive self-talk is so important to implement in daily life because it can be the difference between a good and bad day, and in return a good or bad life. Since words make our worlds, be sure your words reflect the environment you wish to live in.
What's Your Reaction?
