Children can be very blunt. Spend a day around a young one and you’ll walk away trying to recover from whatever unfiltered and unnecessarily-specific comments they’re made about you.
That’s why a recent video that put children’s social awareness to the test has sparked so many reactions. To gain insight into the way children show empathy, adults had a group of five-year-olds taste jelly in front of the person who made it and react to it. The catch? The sweet spread was contaminated with salt.
The young boys did not conceal their disgust with the taste. When asked by the adult if she should give it to the other kids, a boy responded that she should take it home and told her directly that the jelly wasn’t good. Interestingly, the girls who tasted the salty jelly responded much differently. One girl was clearly fighting to contain her disgust, but still did a thumbs up when asked how it was. This mini experiment demonstrated that kids do have the ability to tell white lies. The young girls being more likely to do so also indicates how girls are socialized to be polite. Despite the off-putting taste, the girls were conscious of the feelings of the woman who made jelly.
A report done by The Children’s Society highlights the gendered expectations that are ingrained in young people. Children across the UK were asked what features they thought their friends believed to be the most important in boys and girls. Both genders listed attractiveness to be the most important trait. The second most important characteristic, according to the boys, was being funny–while the girls answered “being caring.”
It’s apparent that the expectation for women to be nurturing and passive extends to young girls. This can happen with boys as well, but the social pressure to always be nice is often gendered. Girls are taught to put the needs of others first, whether that’s through explicit messaging or the way society portrays desired “feminine” behaviors in media. Being matter-of-fact is rude, they’re told, and being nice is prioritized over being assertive. Girls are conditioned into not only dealing with but expecting discomfort, because the alternative of making others uncomfortable is unacceptable. It doesn’t matter if the jelly is salty — say it’s good, be polite.
Girls having a higher emotional intelligence than boys is sometimes chalked up to development, but socialization — particularly gender norms — plays a significant role. Many reactions to the jelly experiment expressed this sentiment, with one user writing, “It’s really quite problematic that young girls already feel the need to protect others’ feelings at their own expense. This sets the stage for girls (who grow into women!) not sticking up for themselves, and for boys/men who EXPECT girls/women to automatically be nice to them.”
It's really quite problematic that young girls already feel the need to protect others' feelings at their own expense. This sets the stage for girls (who grow into women!) not sticking up for themselves, and for boys/men who EXPECT girls/women to automatically be nice to them.
— Ree (@CoffeeCreamTalk) August 7, 2024
Another user attributed it to gendered parenting, and how girls are raised with the expectation of protecting other people’s feelings.
Both reactions to the salty jelly — blunt responses from the boys and white lies from the girls — are normal human behavior and have their own merits. All genders should be enabled to be honest and assertive, just as all genders should be encouraged to be polite and empathetic. The gendered binary that often dictates social conduct inhibits us from recognizing the humanity in both ourselves and each other.
We are social creatures. The way we navigate the world depends on the behavior that is normalized to us. The bad news is that gendered socialization hurts all of us, because limiting acceptable human behavior to certain traits based on someone’s identity is oppressive and unnatural. The good news? Since so much behavior is modeled, we have the ability to set an example for the people around our lives. This means encouraging girls and women to speak their mind and take care of their needs. This means promoting empathy in boys and men and decentering toxic masculinity. This means paving the way for younger generations to feel comfortable in their own skin.
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