“Either they’re having an affair, or they’re just very shy,” said Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, when Kristin Cabot and Andy Byron appeared on his concert Jumbotron, ducking out of each other’s arms. The moment, which seemed innocuous enough, blew up on social media overnight. Days later, every major news outlet in the country was covering the story: Tech CEO and head of HR caught having an affair at a Coldplay concert. Today, the video has been viewed online over 300 billion times.
But what if there’s more to the story? Kristin Cabot sat down with Oprah Winfrey this week in her first and only on-camera interview to shed light on what really happened the evening of the viral moment.
Much-Needed Context
Before the Coldplay concert, Cabot and Byron were co-workers at a rapidly growing tech company. As the Chief People Officer and the CEO, respectively, Cabot and Byron worked closely together and had a strong working relationship. One day, during a quick lunch at work, Byron noticed a change in Cabot and asked what was wrong. Cabot told him.
“My husband and I are separating and planning a divorce,” Cabot recalls to Oprah. To Cabot’s surprise, Byron could relate. “He immediately let me know that he was in the exact same situation: that he and his wife were living apart, they were planning for a divorce, and it had been many years in the making.”
Over the next few weeks, the pair continued to work together and did their best to support each other through their own divorces. “That was a place that was really great for me to be able to go to talk about what I was going through,” says Cabot. “And I was a good safe space for him. That was where we started to build a bit of a stronger connection.”
When Cabot received an invitation to attend a Coldplay concert with friends, she invited Byron to tag along. According to Cabot, the Coldplay concert was the first time she and Byron had even touched. The truth of the situation–two newly single co-workers cuddled up at a concert–isn’t much to write home about. But if that was the truth, why did Cabot and Byron look so guilty?
According to Cabot, her ex-husband was also in attendance that night. The first thing going through her mind was “oh my god, my husband’s in the building.” The last thing Cabot wanted to do was embarrass him. To this day, they remain friends. Her reaction was that of a woman whose ex-husband had just seen her with a new partner, not one of a cheating spouse.
The Fallout
After the incident, Cabot and Byron’s group left the concert. They joked about it on the way home, feeling embarrassed but not panicked. Cabot and Byron decided to disclose their feelings and budding relationship to their company’s board the next morning. They never imagined the internet would beat them to the punch.
Cabot woke hours later to a phone call from her ex-husband warning her about the virality of the clip. He wanted her to tell her kids before they saw it online. From that moment on, Cabot’s life changed drastically. Both Cabot and Byron resigned from their positions at the company. Cabot’s husband put out a public statement confirming that the pair had been separated. Byron’s family refused to do the same.
Immediately, harassment began online and in person. Local radio leaked Cabot’s phone number and address, and people started calling, texting, and stalking her home. She received nasty messages and death threats. For months, Cabot couldn’t be in public with her children without being approached by angry women shaming her for her alleged affair.
The source of the hate she received shocked Cabot the most. The harassment and criticism came almost entirely from women. Any confrontations she experienced in public were with women.
“I’m heartbroken at how women are treating other women,” says Cabot. “We’re so much stronger together. Why are we eating each other alive and holding each other back? And why do we take such joy in seeing other people suffer? It’s really scary.”
A Double Standard?
Life still isn’t back to normal for Cabot. Byron has received multiple job offers, but she can’t find a job.
“He has the luxury of staying silent,” Cabot explains to Oprah. “I think that’s a stark difference between the man and woman in this situation. I have to explain and explain and justify.” No matter what Cabot says, it doesn’t seem to help. There is no exoneration for a woman the internet has already decided is in the wrong.
Cabot is absolutely correct that gender massively impacts the public reception of her story. If her account of events is true, then both people in the video were single, consenting adults. Was it a mistake not to disclose their feelings to their company earlier? Probably, but that’s a mistake many people make every day. The absence of a public statement from Byron confirming his separation could imply that he was having an affair. But even in that situation, Cabot was not. Why doesn’t the blame fall back on Byron?
There’s nothing Cabot can say. “When I speak up, [people] think I’m trying to be famous. If I don’t speak, I must be guilty, so I’m trying to figure out the right balance there.”
Moving Forward
Despite the pain this event caused Cabot and her family, she hopes some good can come out of it. She’s taken it upon herself to reach out to other families going through similar situations online. She hopes her support can help.
“I do believe I got knocked off my course for a reason. There’s something to learn here,” says Cabot. “I’m really understanding when something goes this viral, how the technology companies are benefiting from this… When we’re forwarding and liking and clicking, we are putting billions of dollars in their pockets. The more pain someone like me is in, the more money they’re going to make.”
Cabot’s story makes media consumers consider how a single viral clip, shared innocently, can have real-world consequences. Cabot hopes her story might be the thing that makes people think critically about media and choose to be kind.
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