As our world grows digitally, it seems our personal moments are also being shared online. The internet used to be used to search for simple solutions and news, and while it’s still being used for that, it’s also become our digital diary.
People post videos of them trying new food spots and their reviews, funny videos of their pets, and even story times of crazy incidents they’ve experienced. Now, people are also posting about losing their loved ones. While the internet can provide a sense of community for those navigating loss, connecting people across the world who share similar experiences, turning personal grief into public content may not be beneficial for everyone.
Why We Grieve Online
The internet quickly rose with Gen Y. However, this generation used social media and technology in a very different way that Gen Z did. Around 10 years ago, Gen Y used social media as a platform to post funny Vine videos, to share Pinterest boards, and post on Tumblr. As the internet grew and Gen Z got a hold of it, people started publicly sharing more and more aspects of their lives, even the more personal sides.
Now, our lives revolve around technology, social media, and the internet. When one person posts something, it quickly inspires others to do the same. This is most likely why many people turn to social media to grieve.
Those who don’t have a lot of family and friends may feel like they have no one to confide in. So, they turn to social media. This allows them to vent and express their feelings to an audience. When one video blows up, it may help them feel like they have a community to talk to. This encouragement may lead them to post more.
The Benefits of Digital Grief
Like mentioned before, some people may not have friends or family to vent to, turning them to social media for their feelings. This can be a beneficial form of therapy, as it allows them to connect with others who understand how they feel. Losing a loved one is a feeling that no one can understand unless they’ve been through it themselves, and social media allows people to connect and find others who’ve gone through the same experiences.
Facebook has a Twinless Twins Support Group, where people who have lost their twin can connect with others who share the same experience. Twins have a distinctive relationship because of how they grew together in both their mother’s womb and as they grew older. People without twins could never understand what it’s like losing a twin, so connecting through groups like the one on Facebook helps these people grieve together as they can truly understand how it feels.
Digital grieving can also make support more accessible. Before social media was as popular as it is now, someone experiencing loss may have had to wait for a support group meeting or therapy session to connect with others and express how they’re feeling. Now when someone posts, it can reach to dozens, sometimes even hundreds and thousands, of comments, messages, and words of encouragement in a short amount of time. Online support can’t replace professional help or in-person relationships, but it helps people feel less isolated during an extremely difficult time.
Social media also gives a space for people to preserve the memory of their loved ones. Many users keep social media profiles active even after a person passes away. This gives them digital memories to look back on. While funerals only last a few hours, these online spaces allow people to revisit memories to visit the person.
The Downsides of Public Mourning
Grief is an intensely personal experience, but posting about a loss online places it in front of hundreds and even thousands of people. This may feel other people to feel pressured to publicly express their emotions too, even if they prefer to process their feelings privately. Someone may think, Am I really upset about losing this person if I’m not posting about them how other people are? As mourning becomes more visible, some individuals may feel obligated to share updates or tributes rather than grieve in a way that feels natural to them.
Public mourning also opens the door to judgment. Everything that is online will most likely face criticism from viewers, and some people might criticize how often someone is posting about their loss, question the authenticity of their emotions, or compare one person’s grief to another’s. There is no “right” way to grieve, but these comments can make what is already a difficult situation even more painful. A space intended for healing can quickly turn into a source of additional stress.
Social media can additionally blur the line between genuine grief and online performance. Social media platforms are built around engagement, including likes, comments, and shares. This can lead some users to feel pressured to present their grief in a certain way. Some may even share personal details of a loss in pursuit of validation or engagement. Most individuals who post about a loved one’s death are seeking support. However, the public nature of social media can complicate the grieving process and raise questions about privacy and authenticity.
Healthy Ways to Mourn Off-Screen
Social media is not the only way to cope with loss. Tons of people find comfort in offline activities that allow them to process their emotions without the distractions of notifications. Grief is a deeply personal experience. Taking time away from screens can create space for reflection and healing.
Spending Time With Family & Friends
Talking face-to-face with loved ones can provide emotional support that online interactions may not fully replicate. Sharing memories, attending memorial services, or simply being present with one another can help people feel connected during a period of loss.
Healing Through Hobbies
Turning to personal outlets like journaling, crafting, creating art, or simply enjoying hobbies can bring the needed comfort. Writing letters to your loved one, creating a scrapbook, or doing activities they loved can also help preserve that person’s memory while expressing emotions. Spending time outdoors or practicing mindfulness can also help give a sense of peace during the grieving process.
Seeking Professional Support
Some people may benefit from speaking with a professional. Grief counselors, therapists, and support groups can offer guidance and coping strategies tailored to an individual’s experience. These spaces are private and designed specifically to help people navigate difficult emotions healthily.
Support groups can also help individuals connect with others who have experienced similar losses. These groups may include people who have lost a parent, spouse, child, or friend. Sharing feelings in a structured environment can help people feel understood without the pressure of posting publicly. For those struggling to cope with their grief, seeking professional support can be an important step toward healing.
There is no right way to grieve. Just because something may work for one person online does not mean it will work the same way for you, and that’s okay. Always remember that people post only what they want you to see on social media. The grief you see online is often just a small glimpse of a much larger, more personal journey. Healing looks different for everyone.
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