Social media has been in an uproar after rapper Cardi B went on Instagram Live to air out the dirty laundry regarding the end of her relationship with fellow rapper Offset. After cheating yet again, Offset tried to shame Cardi for doing the same thing while she was pregnant. Cardi decided to clap back by admitting to cheating on her Instagram Live and posting a tweet with the simple words, “And Did!!!” Fans responded with mixed reactions; some were in support of her decision to get revenge, while others were appalled at the fact that she would sleep with another man while pregnant. Let’s review what we can learn from the public reactions to Cardi and Offset’s relationship ending.
Women’s Bodies Viewed as Property
While going back and forth with Cardi, Offset took to Twitter to claim that he “won” because Cardi is his baby mama. Offset’s comments resulted in an online discussion about how pregnancy can be weaponized against women to restrict their career advancement. Many women discussed the implications of having a child with an unreliable partner; one woman shared that even though Cardi had three children with Offset during their marriage, she was still reduced to a “baby mama,” which is normally reserved for women who have children outside of marriage. Despite doing things the “correct way,” Cardi still couldn’t escape being reduced to the function of her reproductive body parts.
Cardi choosing to have sex while pregnant also stirred a lot of mixed feelings from fans. While they didn’t condone Offset’s consistent cheating on Cardi throughout their relationship, fans still felt her decision to sleep with another man was extreme. Most men, and even some women, felt Cardi was irresponsible for being intimate with another man while carrying Offset’s baby. This confirms the societal entitlement men have towards women’s bodies; Cardi is not seen as an autonomous being who should be able to do as she pleases with her body. In this scenario, her pregnant body is viewed as Offset’s property by extension of their baby, who would societally be viewed as Offset’s seed. As a result, Cardi is not expected to let another man touch his property.
Our society is conditioned to uphold patriarchy, the systemic empowerment of men at the expense of women’s oppression, which results in women being viewed as “damaged goods” when they become single mothers. But that same energy is not extended to single fathers. Patriarchy results in women’s bodies being viewed as disposable for making babies or used as sexual tools for the male gaze. Since marriage cannot save women from patriarchy, women need to remember that even choosing the “right” partner does not guarantee that they may not end up a “baby mama.” Men have the privilege of moving on from failed relationships as fathers without the burden of being viewed as a baby daddy. Unfortunately for women, their motherhood will always be tied to the father of their children because their bodies don’t belong to them under patriarchy.
Culture of Victim-Blaming Women
While many were happy to hear that Cardi is finally moving on from Offset, they also questioned her credibility because the couple has gotten back together numerous times despite Offset’s cheating. Some people were not sympathetic to Cardi for entertaining Offset’s serial cheating behavior and choosing to have three children with him. Others hypothesized that Offset intentionally kept getting Cardi pregnant to derail her music career and keep her tied to him.
Even though Cardi has described Offset as a narcissist, there was judgment both when she stayed in the relationship and even now when she has decided to leave. This confirms how women are damned by society if they try to make their relationship work, but also damned for choosing to leave a toxic situation.
Victim-blaming culture is tied to misogyny, the societal hatred against women, which is also rooted in patriarchy. This normalized hatred against women reinforces placing the blame on women in toxic relationships while absolving the male aggressors from accountability. In this context, women are blamed for their victimization and viewed as weak for allowing themselves to be abused. It is important to unlearn this way of thinking because it dehumanizes women and limits them from getting the community support needed to leave toxic relationships.
Many women have died by femicide, the gendered killing of women, at the hands of their male partners when attempting to leave toxic relationships. Even children have been killed alongside their mothers because their fathers are unable to regulate their controlling and possessive behavior. Therefore, it is important to extend empathy to women who are struggling to leave toxic relationships.
Releasing Toxic Relationships
As a Libra, it is very timely that Cardi is going through a public breakup during Libra season, which is associated with marriage and partnerships. The solar eclipse on October 2 was also in the sign of Libra, meaning the collective might experience the endings of toxic relationships that no longer serve them or past relationships potentially creeping back up. As a result, it is important to center your peace by leaving toxic relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or familial, in the past where they belong. This eclipse season ushered in a time for destined endings and new beginnings, so the public will get a chance to see if Cardi will stand on business and leave Offset behind. In true Libra fashion, people have been loving her stunning back-to-back outfits at Paris Fashion Week, and they hope she keeps thriving after her breakup.
As is evident with Cardi, releasing toxic relationships can be extremely difficult, especially if your self-esteem is low. With this Libra eclipse, it’s a good idea to reflect on past relationship traumas that limited you from setting boundaries with yourself. Interrogate why you struggle with self-advocacy in relationships and what is preventing you from voicing your feelings. If your feelings are being ignored, then question if the relationship is aligned with where you want to be in life. Remember to give yourself grace for all the past versions of yourself who didn’t know better and show up for them as the current version of yourself who is more self-aware and intentional.
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