If someone were to ask you what first comes to mind when you hear the word sexism, what would you say? Maybe you think of the gender pay gap, or the pervasive nature of sexual assault. These overt signals of sexism tend to dominate conversations about gender (in)equality, but it’s also important to unpack a more underhanded problem: benevolent sexism.
Defining Benevolent Sexism
Benevolent sexism refers to a certain set of attitudes toward women that seem well-intentioned or positive, but ultimately uphold traditional gender roles and male dominance.
It specifically targets women who fit traditional gender roles, because men with conscious or subconscious benevolent sexist tendencies flock to women who “correctly perform femininity.” The root of benevolent sexism is the idea that women need to be protected and provided for by men. Under this framework, women are dependent on men because they are inherently vulnerable. Benevolent sexism is therefore difficult to spot because it can manifest in acts of kindness or support toward women. Ultimately, though, these behaviors serve to reward the women who adhere to the standards of patriarchal gender norms. Benevolent sexism is another tool for upholding up the glass ceiling and shaping women’s behavior.
Some examples of benevolent sexism include emphasizing a woman’s looks over what she brings to the table, placing the worth of a woman on her role as a mother or wife, or believing that women shouldn’t be in charge of managing their own money or driving a car.
Stereotyping is a major mechanism through which benevolent sexism upholds the patriarchy. Benevolent sexism sustains the dichotomy of viewing men and women in terms of opposing strengths and weaknesses. Men are stereotyped as being hyper-independent and competent, belonging in competitive workplace positions. Women are stereotyped as dependent on men and inherently nurturing, so they belong at home.
Oppressive or Beneficial?
Benevolent sexism’s widespread nature also leads to women justifying oppressive social systems that disadvantage them. Since benevolent sexism seemingly provides personal benefits to women, such as protection from men, it’s easier to accept it over more hostile forms of sexism. Psychologically, convincing themselves that it is acceptable and even helpful, women reduce the pain and distress that comes from oppression.
However, benevolent sexism goes hand in hand with hostile sexism. Women who don’t meet the patriarchal vision of gender roles are punished by the same men who reward the more “traditional” women with acts of chivalry.
The “benevolent” label of this form of sexism is a red herring, because benevolent sexism is contingent on a woman “knowing her place.” If a woman is a loyal housewife but then decides to return to the workforce, her “benevolent” sexist husband may become hostile.
Part of the reason why benevolent sexism can be so hard to spot is because it feels good to be pampered from time to time. Not all acts of kindness from a man are inherently rooted in benevolent sexism; the underlying thing to watch out for is how he seems to view women as a whole. If someone is infantilizing women, saying questionable things, but treats you nicely, it may be worth examining his motives.
Without structural change, benevolent sexism won’t just go away on an interpersonal level. These gender stereotypes are upheld at a systemic level, such as through inequality in the workforce; addressing these issues is the first step towards changing our limited view of gender.
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