No matter what your relationship with your parents looks like, there’s probably at least one thing that you think they could have done differently. If you’re a parent yourself–or have spent more than ten minutes trying to console a screaming infant–you know how hard parenting is. There’s no one-size-fits all method of raising a child–especially when it comes to discipline.
A recent tweet from a father, which read, “What’s an appropriate punishment when your 8 year old cracks your 75 inch screen?” has provoked some good old X discourse about parenting styles.
Some were quick to make jokes about life sentences and adoption, but a noticeable amount of replies voiced concerns about how punishment has the potential to cause a lifelong impact on a child.
For the people who shared those sentiments, the practice of punishing a child for a mistake they made could plant seeds of distrust in their relationship. Many people are coming forward with personal experiences that they carry into their philosophies about parenting. Physical punishment has only recently died down in the eyes of public acceptance, but what about other forms of penalizing?
What does punishment really teach us?
The common thread among the users who encouraged the father to take a gentler approach was rooted in the function of punishment. The whole philosophy of punishing a child for their wrongdoings is that it will teach them good behavior. However, upon reflecting on their childhoods, many people didn’t take away the lesson the punishment was supposed to teach.
One user shared a story about getting physically punished by their mom for accidentally cracking her computer screen. “I will remember getting beat with a metal suitcase forever, and my back still has the scars,” they wrote. “The only lessons I learned were about her rage, and I still broke things by accident.”
To many who experienced harsh discipline from their parents, punishment is not a helpful tool for parenting. It drives a barrier between the child and the adult rather than teaching the lesson it intended.
However, punishment isn’t always hitting or screaming at a child. Some parents implement “time-outs” or take away privileges. Others adopt the gentle parenting method, which involves addressing a child’s feelings and motivations behind bad behavior instead of correcting the behavior itself. Natural consequences is also a popular methodology (if you don’t put your favorite shirt in the hamper, it won’t get washed”).
What do the numbers say?
How much are newer generations actually pivoting from their own childhood experiences as parents? A 2024 Pew Research study about modern parenting styles tells us that millennials are, in fact, taking a different approach than their parents. Let’s break it down:
- 88% of millennial parents say their parenting style is different from they are raised
- Nearly 3 in 4 believe they are better parents than their own parents
- 1 in 3 say their family members question their parenting methods
There’s an undeniable divide between generations on attitudes around parenting styles. For millennial parents, mental health is a huge focus:
- 80% of millennial parents think discussions about mental health and emotional well-being are very important in shaping a child’s overall development
- 2 in 3 millennial parents say their parents never talked to them about mental health, while 98% of millennial parents talk to their children about it
It’s clear that the new generation of parents are leaning more towards gentle parenting. Many parents today credit their own upbringing for things they decided not to do, but the shift in attitudes about raising children is also a reflection of our changing culture as a whole.
The stigma around mental health, while it still exists, has gone down drastically compared to our own parents’ experiences. As conversations around mental health are more commonplace, more and more research has come out to prove that extreme disciplinary methods, such as spanking, can developmentally harm a child and impact their mental wellbeing.
Of course, there’s no singular consensus on how to be a good parent. Every child is different and requires a different approach. There are no right answers–it’s a process. Nobody gets it completely right, but as long as you strive to do right by your child, you’re on the right path.
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