Through no fault of our own, sometimes life gets busy and we can forget Father’s Day is coming up until the week of. We set reminders on our phones, our mothers remind us, or maybe we don’t notice until the grocery store starts displaying Father’s Day cards. For those who no longer have their father here with them, that absent mindedness would be a blessing. Each day can be a persistent reminder that they’re stumbling through life without the guidance of a father figure to keep them upright. Is that something that we could ever truly forget, even if we tried? With her father’s passing of just over a year ago, Jordan Manson has been asking herself that very same question.
As the Just N Life managing editor, Manson’s bubbly personality quite literally shines through the screen during our interview– she has the most adorable habit of giving anyone she talks to a nickname, which ends up making you feel like you’ve been best friends for years. Currently based in Pittsburgh PA, but her heart in Philadelphia, she’s had life thrown at her every which way before even reaching The Big 3-0. March 3, 2024, the day Manson’s father passed away, completely flipped the narrative on how she will spend Father’s Day moving forward.
Depending on the type of person you are, prioritizing a sense of avoidance towards Father’s Day can be a comfort if your father is gone. That is completely valid, and it gives you the time and grace to sort through uncomfortable feelings on your own terms. If you’re like Manson and humor gets you through those feelings instead, don’t feel any awkwardness towards your joking nature! It can let the people around you know that you’re open to talking about your father’s passing, and bring a sense of normalcy to an otherwise difficult holiday.
Going from a close knit relationship with your dad to not hearing his voice or how his day went is a stark contrast that no one is prepared to deal with once that loss happens. That can be the hardest part of moving on, especially if that communication was a daily occurrence for you.
“The one thing that I really miss about my dad is that he was the one person to call me every single day, without a doubt. Even if I didn’t answer,” Manson recalls.
That sort of repetition is a tough thing to shake, and losing that constant form of contact can be earth shattering. If you struggle with that reality from day to day, try using other methods that remind you of that bond. For example, if your dad was tech savvy enough to leave voice notes, you can save them into a special folder and listen to them throughout the day.
Getting to the point of listening to his voice notes or old videos might take time, maybe even years. That is perfectly normal. There are certain things that come with the territory of a loved one’s death, like their funeral and personal gravestone. Manson is still working herself up to facing some of those obstacles and is comfortable admitting so, because grief isn’t a one and done deal. It can ebb and flow and send us flying backwards, even when we thought we were almost over the hump.
“I think I was avoiding it a little bit. Since my dad has been buried, I actually have not visited him at his gravesite. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I still have to buy him a tombstone,” Manson says.
Avoidance during a time of grieving can look different for each person, and there’s no perfect time span to follow for how long you should avoid the death of a father. Tuning in and out of everyday life can happen while your mind is trying to process a traumatic event, and it can take a learning curve to push through that dissociation and start coming to terms with reality.
For Manson, avoiding her father’s death didn’t last long because she found that a sense of community and friendship is really what pulled her out of that dark hole during Father’s Day last year. With enough time, avoidance can become acceptance.
“My friends and family were just trying to spend the day with me. I think people have a hard time bringing up the sad reality of the day, but to me, it actually does help if people acknowledge it. It makes me feel seen and it makes me feel like my daddy is seen because he’s gone, but people still acknowledge that today is his day. I like when people bring him up,” Manson said.
That’s not to say that if you’ve been avoiding your father’s death, especially when it comes to Father’s Day, there’s nothing wrong with that train of thought. Your mind may still be picking up the pieces, and it may do more harm than good if you bring awareness to trauma that has not begun to resolve just yet. Healing takes time. Manson agrees completely, and says that as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others, do whatever works best for you. There’s no right or wrong way to sort through grief– even if it evokes feelings of anger and frustration.
“Not only did my dad die, but it was like my best friend died too. Then I had to move back home because of everything that happened. I lost out on my life too. I used to be at brunch and at happy hour with the girls, and now it’s like…oh wait… I have adult responsibilities now,” Manson laments.
If you have similar feelings of frustration when Father’s Day rolls around, try focusing on you. You’re the one who is experiencing the day and doing nice things for yourself can lessen the blow when you don’t have your father to spend the day with instead. Manson suggests taking yourself out for a nice breakfast or spoiling yourself with some self care (all things that she has tried and tested, and gives her stamp of approval for helping you feel better!)
Another alternative way to spend Father’s Day is to open yourself up to other father figures in your life, as long as you’re comfortable with it. It can be a friend, uncle, or even your friend’s dad. This is something that has made such a lasting impact on how Manson perceived a father figure. One of the struggles that came up for Manson after her father’s passing is cutting the grass at his house. Pittsburgh hills are no joke, and Manson was having a hard time doing it herself.
“I just started breaking down crying because that’s one of the things that a dad is supposed to do. It’s something my dad used to do,” Manson said.
With the help of a close family friend’s dad, he cut Manson’s grass for her and continues to do so every Friday. He even refers to Manson as his, “bonus daughter.” We were curious to know if this may feel inauthentic to her or sting in any way since he isn’t Manson’s real father, but Manson disagreed entirely.
“I’m not going to deny myself someone else’s love. Why not accept love?” Manson says.
Whether you’re far past the grieving stages or in the absolute thick of it, every day is a chance to improve and strive for happiness. Therapy is a great resource to lean on and speaking to a professional can really help. Manson testifies that therapy has been wonderful in her healing process and as much as her friends and family have helped, mental health professionals can give you the tools to start rebuilding your life.
If you, yes you, have recently lost your father and carry a sense of dread this coming Father’s Day, Manson has some parting words of advice that is meant for someone just like you to hear. Even if you’re grieving a person separate from yourself, on a day that is dedicated to someone else, it all comes circling back to ourselves in the end.
“Allow yourself to grieve; grieving is normal. You’re not overreacting. You can’t throw a rug over it, this is the reality of it. Subconsciously, it’s going to affect you. I love my dad, but he’s not here anymore. The person that I have to focus on now is myself. From now on, Father’s Day is not just about my dad, but me as well. It brings a little bit of comfort knowing that life keeps going on, but I can set some of those responsibilities aside and completely make the day about my father and I, just like how it used to be,” Manson shares.
What's Your Reaction?
