In the late 2010s, the modern self-love movement took off. Born out of the heavily filtered and Facetuned Instagram era, the proverb of, “love yourself,” was promoted by every influencer and found on countless mugs and T-shirts. Although the message was delivered with seemingly good intentions, revisiting this movement and its evolution over the years has uncovered some hypocrisies within it.
A Muddled Marketing Strategy
Exploiting insecurities is a common practice in the beauty and wellness industries. What should have been a movement to promote better mental health and self-acceptance has been gradually co-opted by brands that advocate for self-love while subtly implying that consumers should fix every physical imperfection they have, creating a cycle of comparison and feelings of inadequacy among consumers who may not achieve the same results as the ones being showcased.
A lot of self-love and self-care rhetoric is usually concerned more with beauty and consumption rather than true mental health reform. Our current idea of self-care is characterized by makeup, skincare, and aesthetics, something that many beauty brands have built their voice on. Take the makeup and skincare brand Glossier, which gained popularity in the 2010s with its “your skin but better” messaging. Their approach encouraged consumers to embrace their natural appearance by using their lightweight makeup products. However, the models featured in these campaigns often had clear skin, free of acne, texture, or blemishes, which felt disingenuous and undermined the original message.
Even brands like Dove, which were praised by consumers for their “Real Beauty” campaign, have fallen short in some areas. After the campaign launched, which aimed to promote the acceptance of physical differences, Dove was accused of “genderwashing,” which refers to a practice where companies appear progressive on gender issues, often using gimmicky and patronizing slogans or ads while still engaging in contradictory practices to boost sales. For example, Dove’s parent company, Unilever, was criticized for promoting skin lightening through its brand Fair & Lovely, as well as oversimplifying the issue of body shaming.
Toxic Positivity
The mixed messages surrounding self-love inevitably began to influence social media, giving way for self-appointed life coaches to charge people for lessons on how to manifest their dream lives or enhance their appearance. These coaches frequently offer simplistic and counterintuitive advice, such as “wear makeup” or “dress this way, and you’ll feel more confident.” The irony of this trend is that it is fronted by conventionally attractive, well-off influencers, many of whom deny some of the very real injustices faced by those on the other side of the coin, chalking up their mental health struggles or insecurities to being “a mindset” that they’ve put themselves in.
You may have come across the term “pretty privilege” mentioned online, along with debates about whether it is a real phenomenon. Unfortunately, appearance is intrinsically linked to how people are treated. To deny this is deeply invalidating to many individuals’ lived experiences.
The intersectionality of low self-esteem is often ignored when these topics arise. In April 2025, the CDC reported that depression rates among adolescents are increasing. The study also showed that women and individuals from low-income families are most affected. Additionally, depression is a commonly reported condition among BIPOC due to the link between racial discrimination and mental health. For those from marginalized identities—whether women, impoverished people, people of color, those struggling with mental illness, or all of the above—no amount of positive affirmations can undo centuries of oppression and mistreatment.
There’s a level of gaslighting that occurs when telling someone to simply “be confident.” The toxic positivity that’s crept into the self-love movement seeks to blame the individual for their low self-esteem, ignoring the systemic reasons some may feel that way. Rather than placing the blame on the individual, we should be highlighting predatory brand practices that claim to solve issues of low self-esteem, all the while ignoring the root problem.
Practicing Authentic Self-Love
So, what is true self-love, and how can we start to unlearn our preconceived ideas about worthiness and begin healing?
- Meet Yourself Where You’re At
Don’t wait until you’ve deemed yourself healed enough to begin your self-love journey.
- Control How You Scroll
Curate your social media to cater to you. Follow more creators who share the same values as you or share a lifestyle similar to yours.
- Body Neutrality
Strive to prioritize mental and physical health over looks.
- Accept That Self-Love Is a Process
We all have good and bad days. Don’t let the bad days dissuade you or convince you that you’re failing.
Total self-love and acceptance have been marketed to us as something that can be acquired with a quick fix while ignoring how unrealistic that expectation is. It disregards the non-linear process of healing, which can set some people up for failure. While you certainly don’t want to wallow in negative emotions, it’s perfectly normal to occasionally struggle with your mental health or how you feel about yourself. Shying away from those feelings and not confronting them isn’t an act of self-love or self-care; it’s simply a form of avoidance. Don’t ignore negative emotions; they are just as valid as your positive ones.
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