From a combination of post-COVID societal norms, the rise of technology that enables us to go about our day with the least amount of human connection possible, and a general sense of apathy, Gen Z has been branded as the most individualistic generation yet. This culture of individualism has bled into popular ideas of self-care: instead of calling a friend, we’re encouraged to buy a new product. Self-care has been branded as shifting away from taking care of the people in our lives, justifying avoidant attachment styles and deprioritizing community. This hyper-individualistic conception of self-care, however, is antithetical to its purpose–with 73% of Gen Z reporting feeling lonely, something isn’t working.
Antisocial Attitudes
TikToker Anayka She posted a video about how cashiers don’t say hi anymore, which sparked a visceral reaction from other users. A good amount of people disagreed, saying that it took too much emotional labor and that it was unreasonable to expect a service worker to put up with those interactions.
This intense opposition toward the idea that cashiers and customers should engage in brief pleasantries highlights a general antisocial attitude that has become popular. A quick hello or small talk is part of a social contract, and not participating in small interactions with fellow human beings only hurts you. Social interaction takes practice–and ignoring the social contract of politeness breeds a sense of entitlement, moving us away from acknowledging the humanity of others. Hyper-individualism has morphed interactions into transactions, which pushes away the capacity for connections.
“You Don’t Owe Anyone Anything” Mindset
“You don’t owe anyone anything” is a mantra that has grown popular in the self care realm of the internet. It’s supposed to be about not feeling obligated or pressured into things that are bad for you, but it’s really another form of isolation disguised as self-care. Somewhere along the way of protecting our peace, we’ve internalized this idea that personal wellness involves opting out of community.
Even the framing of showing up for others as something that you do or don’t “owe” services toxic hyperindividualism. There’s a difference between having basic decency toward others and withstanding bad behavior; if a coworker says something inappropriate to you, you don’t have an obligation to smile and nod–but if Greg from HR wants to talk about the weather for a minute, it’s common courtesy to have a little small talk.
This attitude goes beyond surface-level interactions with strangers or acquaintances–it will also bleed into friendships and relationships. If you’re unwilling to help a friend out on occasion, like helping them move, they will take note of that. Your friends will pick up on this tit-for-tat mindset, which doesn’t signal that you’re establishing a healthy boundary. Instead, it signals that you aren’t someone who values community.
@amoneymoves Yes I was born and raised in America, no I don’t like it, and yes I’m actively trying to leave 😇 #americanculture #rant #stingy #collective #individualism #americans
♬ A Cup of Coffee – Muspace
The Individualism to Loneliness Pipeline
There are two sides to individualism: self-sufficiency and loneliness. The cultural zeitgeist teaches us that community is something we can opt out of. Humans are social creatures, and the reality is that we do need community; in fact, building a support system–and supporting them in return–is a huge part of meaningful self- care. Pushing people out and expecting to do everything on your own will only harm your mental health. We need to move away from “self-care” that hyper-focuses on our individuality and instead participate in the world around us to build connections.
It’s okay if you can’t do it all alone. Everybody desires love and needs help at times, and that’s not indicative of a personal flaw. With self-sufficiency and hyper-independence being so heavily championed, it can be scary to reach out and connect with others. But even a small effort, like saying hello to a cashier or having small talk with a coworker, will strengthen that muscle. You never know what a small act of friendliness can do for others–and yourself.
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