On August 20, TMZ reported that Jennifer Lopez (JLo) filed for divorce from her husband Ben Affleck on their second wedding anniversary. The news received mixed reactions online, with many poking fun at the fact that JLo has been engaged seven times and married four times. People also pointed out that just earlier this year, she made a documentary titled The Greatest Love Story Never Told inspired by love letters from Affleck. While some people were amused that JLo filed for divorce after a grand display of her marriage, others were impressed by her ability to not give up on love despite years of public scrutiny surrounding her personal life. Let’s unpack what we can learn from JLo’s fourth divorce and her documentary The Greatest Love Story Never Told.
JLo’s Relationship History
In her documentary, The Greatest Love Story Never Told, JLo reflects on her production of her musical film This Is Me…Now: A Love Story, which is inspired by her 20-year journey to finding self-love. She mentions her childhood upbringing and describes her mother as a narcissist, the center of attention, and the life of the party. She explains how growing up with such a character set her on a course to romantically partner with men who have similar traits. Her lack of emotional connection as a child made her feel like she was not good enough, which probably explains her yearning to be seen and heard. JLo acknowledges that she has a love compulsion and desire to be in love due to a fear of being alone. People have called her a love addict because she jumps from relationship to relationship without taking a break to self-reflect.
JLo was first married to Ojani Noah from 1997 to 1998. She was then in a very public relationship with rapper and music executive Diddy from 1999 to 2001. After her breakup from Diddy, JLo married her dancer Cris Judd in the same year, only for the relationship to end in 2002. She then publicly began dating her current husband Ben Affleck in 2002. They got engaged that same year, but ended up breaking off the engagement three days before their wedding in 2004. Later that year, JLo married Marc Anthony in her longest relationship to date. They welcomed twins Emme and Max in 2008, but split in 2011. The split was soon followed by an on-and-off relationship with Casper Smart until 2016 and a short fling with Drake in 2017. A few months later, she began dating baseball player Alex Rodriguez. The pair got engaged in 2019 but eventually ended up breaking off the engagement in 2021. Shortly after ending things with Rodriguez, Jlo rekindled her relationship with Ben Affleck and the couple got engaged in 2022, tying the knot at a surprise wedding in Vegas.
The Importance of Singlehood
It is important to take a break in between relationships, experience singlehood, evaluate what didn’t work, and avoid repeating the same mistakes in your next relationship. For someone like JLo, it’s important to reflect on why you’re afraid of being alone and what healthy love should look like. Even though she concludes her musical film by choosing self-love, her recent separation indicates that time as a single woman is needed. Without self-reflection, it is easy to become intoxicated by a connection, confusing intense trauma bonding or actual love bombing with the idea of being in love. Toxic passion rooted in trauma can easily be confused with a deep love for your partner. It doesn’t help that society has conditioned women to aspire to have a fairytale romance, which is a very unrealistic expectation. Without communicating with your partner about how you want to be loved and putting in the work needed to keep the romance alive, the fairytale will not magically happen.
The Importance of Not Giving up on Love
Despite the unhealthy way she approaches love, some people also appreciate the fact that JLo doesn’t shy away from pursuing love, especially as a public figure. She is brave enough to try again despite the continuous public backlash she receives with every broken engagement and dissolved marriage. In The Greatest Love Story Never Told, she expresses the fear of funding and releasing her very own movie despite numerous people around her warning against the idea. She shares her fear of failure and public rejection but still chooses to put her love story out there because she wants to. JLo embracing vulnerability despite her fears is something we should all aspire to embody in our relationships.
Another trait that some admire about JLo is that she is willing to walk away when the relationship no longer serves her. It can be difficult to do so, as women are expected to stay and make their relationships work or are viewed as failures if their marriages end. As a result of sexism, societal double standards for women divorcees condition us to view them as “damaged goods,” especially for those with religious backgrounds. But knowing when to walk away from relationships that are harming you requires strong discernment.
Marriages can end for various reasons, like growing out of love with each other, or values drastically shifting as you and your partner grow in the relationship. As a woman, the end of a marriage does not mean you ran out of chances to find love or that you are unworthy of love. Unpacking any shame and stigma surrounding this belief will allow you to be as open-minded as JLo when it comes to pursuing love again. However, it is also important to put in the emotional work needed to communicate your desires and learn to love your partner using their love language. As mentioned previously, keeping the spark alive throughout your relationship is possible, but requires intentional work from both parties.
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