In a culture obsessed with dating apps, text message chemistry, and curated vulnerability, there’s a new relationship buzzword rising above the noise: “EQ,” or emotional intelligence. It’s not just trending on TikTok or floating around Instagram therapy reels; it’s becoming a crucial marker of relational maturity. And while the term isn’t new, it dates back to Daniel Goleman’s seminal book in 1995, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, the mainstream conversation around EQ is evolving fast. Especially across younger generations navigating love in a hyper-communicative but emotionally scattered world of doomscrollers and oversharers.
At its core, emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, regulate, and respond to emotions, both your own and others. In relationships, someone with high EQ is less likely to stonewall or “gaslight” during arguments, they’re more likely to admit when they’re wrong, and they’re better able to hold space for their partner’s emotional needs, even if they don’t fully understand them.
The surge in EQ discourse isn’t random. It coincides with growing skepticism toward traditional romantic ideals. Like the long-held belief that love alone is enough to sustain a relationship, or that compatibility is purely about shared hobbies or physical attraction.
People are starting to realize that love without shared emotional intelligence is unstable. The modern dater doesn’t just want someone “hot and funny” now. They want someone who can apologize without deflecting, who knows how to communicate needs without blame, and who can co-regulate during stress rather than escalate conflict.
Social media has played an undeniable role in this shift. As therapists, psychologists, and everyday people post emotionally literate content that triggers terms like “green flags, emotional availability, and trauma bonding,” the language of EQ has entered dating discourse in a big way. Apps like Hinge even allow users to tag “emotional availability” or “communication style” in their bios. Emotional intelligence has quite literally become extremely attractive.
Emotional intelligence doesn’t have to be all about therapy talk or “I feel” statements either. A high EQ in a relationship can look as simple as recognizing when your partner needs space versus support and respecting both, having hard conversations, owning your mistakes, and being able to differentiate relationship doubt and self-doubt. It can show up in quieter, less performative ways. Sitting with your emotions, naming them as they arise, and building the kind of safety where vulnerability can thrive without fear of neglect.
Unlike vague compatibility buzzwords, EQ is a skill that can actually be measured—and improved. Online forums like Psychology Today’s Emotional Intelligence Test and The D. Goleman EQ Test offer self-assessments that can help people gauge where they fall on the emotional intelligence spectrum. And the tests don’t just provide a score, they also give insight into patterns, blind spots, and opportunities for growth.
One of the pitfalls of the EQ trend is mistaking emotional intelligence for emotional passivity. A high EQ doesn’t mean being agreeable at all times or never expressing anger. It means knowing how to express your anger without resorting to cruelty or shutting down entirely. It’s not about being emotionally perfect; it’s just about being accountable.
The danger in our current “therapy talk” culture is that emotional intelligence has become weaponized at times. People may use psychological jargon to avoid intimacy with common phrases like “I’m triggered, so I can’t talk,” to dodge accountability. Real EQ requires vulnerability and action, not just language. It’s not just about sounding emotionally fluent; it’s about executing that as well.
In an age of burnout, climate anxiety, and digital disconnection, people are craving something deeper than aesthetics or banter. They want resilience in their relationships. They want someone who can sit in discomfort, grow alongside them, and repair when rupture or doubt inevitably happens.
High EQ doesn’t guarantee a successful relationship, but low EQ almost guarantees a chaotic one. Emotional intelligence is no longer an optional add-on to attraction; it’s become a foundation, not a bonus.
Influencer Sabrina Zohar put it simply: “Emotional availability is no longer just rare, it’s attractive.”
The new rise of emotional intelligence signals a cultural maturity in how we understand love. Not as a lightning bolt of feeling or a craze of infatuation, but as a set of emotional practices. If you’re curious where you stand, take a test, reflect, and make yourself uncomfortable. Because in the end, relationships aren’t just built on honeymoon love. They’re built on emotional compatibility.
And that might just be the new ‘attractive.’
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