In a culture full of love stories, we grow up with the message that our “true love” will come when we least expect it. We hear that real love is effortless, requiring little to no effort before you fall head over heels. I thought this too, until I learned the shocking truth of my parents’ love story.
The two of them met in 2004 via a Craigslist personal ad. It’s something you don’t expect from your parents, but learning before dating age made the practicality clear to me. At the time, online dating was an emerging phenomenon, but it was still far from being the norm.
Despite this, my parents turned to online platforms to find love. It’s not because they’re desperate; in fact, they aren’t alone from the thousands of people before and after them who had to get a little more proactive towards finding a relationship.
The concept of dating apps is a long-standing tradition that often makes sense in the modern world. You don’t have to be scared or ashamed of trying out the apps for yourself.
Changing Cultures, Changing Dates
The number of people using dating apps, especially successfully, has only increased in post-COVID years. A survey from The Knot estimates that around 30 percent of people meet their fiancés on dating apps, which is an exponential increase from pre-pandemic numbers. However, the massive use across worldwide demographics does not stop misconceptions from spreading.
Despite statistics otherwise, many people believe that dating apps are exclusively for casual sex. While that may be a purpose for some people, that does not mean that a person who is being honest and smart to protect themselves cannot get exactly what they want and need.
Believe it or not, the idea of falling in love randomly is a relatively new social construct. Marriages before the Industrial Revolution often came from a place of practicality. However, as technology and lifestyles changed, so did dating. People gained more options in life, as they weren’t confined to doing whatever their parents did.
However, so many options can be overwhelming, and assistance in finding “the one” for you makes the whole thing easier. People have put personal ads in newspapers or online publications for generations. As times have changed, we’ve always used the newest and best technology to get to know each other.
A Modern Solution to a Modern Problem
Besides, it would be one thing if dating apps were arranging marriages based on an algorithm, but that is not the case. Meeting someone on an app does not arrange a marriage, nor does it mean the connection begins and ends on the app. A Hinge ad campaign even highlights examples of people who may have met before or existed in the same circles, but did not meet until the app introduced them.
A dating app introduces you to eligible and compatible singles near you, much like blind dates or singles’ mixers. Once the app introduces you, it’s up to you and your partner to get to know each other and build a relationship. I like a meet-cute as much as the next gal, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter where you originally met, as long as the connection is there.
Dating apps are arguably a response to our generation having fewer and fewer places to organically meet strangers. Within the last 20 years, “third spaces,” or places where adults can spend time together outside of work or home, have become fewer and further between. Even in the spaces you do gather, the culture has often changed to be far more isolationist as a response to this development.
For example, I live in a college town with a bustling bar culture, a setting historically dedicated to meeting people. Yet, neither I nor any woman I know has ever been approached in a bar. It’s just not the culture anymore. On dating apps, however? I’ve had a myriad of successes, including with my current boyfriend. So yes, you could meet someone more organically, but there are plenty of good reasons why you haven’t yet, and downloading the apps is not admitting defeat.
Technology: An Unavoidable Evil
In the age of rapidly advancing technology, it seems like a sacrifice to surrender another aspect of your life to a computer. We spend so much time engaging with social platforms and algorithms, and it feels like those should have no place in your love life. Ideally, your relationships should be free of the meat market vibe of online life and from expectations brought about by social media.
The bad news, however, is that that isn’t possible. Every person you meet is inundated by a portrayal of every kind of partner out there, and almost everyone is trying to sell the best versions of themselves. Even if you meet your partner organically, your relationship will be touched by online expectations. Through online culture: movies and TV, social media, and even adult entertainment, everyone is aware of all of the options out there to a degree that our society has never experienced. That doesn’t need to define you, though. There will be conceptions and circumstances to overcome in any relationship, and you can still overcome them after meeting online.
Luckily, in the modern world, there is little need for relationships, but most of us want them badly. It makes it more romantic that we search for our other half, despite hardships. Searching for love requires commitment to the search and work to vet everyone you meet and decide your compatibility. Apps are simply a tool to do the hardest part of the work. However, if dating apps still aren’t for you, don’t sweat it. Just as with the in-person dating scene, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get your prince, but as long as you are chasing your own peace and happiness the best you can, you’re gonna be just fine.
What's Your Reaction?
