On June 7, Billie Eilish was spotted kissing longtime friend and actor Nat Wolff under a sunny Italian afternoon. While this may seem like routine celebrity tabloid gossip, their intimate moment carried deeper conversations. Discourse around her, “queerbaiting,” history resurfaced, and the timing of Pride Month made the backlash even harsher. The incident once again put her sexuality under the public microscope.
This isn’t the first time either. Social media has gone through many extensive back-and-forths regarding her queerness. Despite her open queerness, many argue that she uses queer aesthetics and sapphic undertones as a marketing tool. The fact that she’s only been seen publicly dating men has intensified the debate. However, the picture is more nuanced than simple queerbaiting. Her identity and persona are products of intense online pressure and challenging expectations as a queer woman.
To label Eilish as a queerbaiter is rather unfair. Her self-expression and dating life are her choice alone, yet many expect her to fall within a recognizable image of queerness. In reality, Eilish has never been one to define herself by the approval or standards of others. Her, “queerbaiting,” is not deception at all; it’s just her.
What is Queerbaiting?
“Queerbaiting,” is the term used when a piece of media (movie, TV, books, etc…) teases a same-sex relationship between two characters, but never intended to deliver on that romance. This convinces LGBTQ+ viewers to tune in, hoping to see good queer representation. It’s a deceptive marketing strategy that, “baits,” queer interest with the subtext of queerness without actually showing it. According to PinkNews, it allows someone, “to appeal to the LGBTQ+ market, while avoiding… backlash from the… homophobic market.”
While usually applied to media, numerous celebrities have been accused of queerbaiting to bolster their fandom. One of the most notable in recent times was former One Direction singer Harry Styles. In 2020, Styles became the first solo man to appear on the cover of Vogue. What made it a heated topic was his blue Gucci dress, as well as the many dresses that followed during other public appearances. Suddenly, conversations about expression, gender norms, and Styles’s ambiguous sexuality were at the forefront. Many defended his embrace of non-conformist fashion as a great step in breaking gender expectations.
However, many also viewed his fashion sense as performative. To many, the dress was not a brave social deconstruction of gender norms, nor did it represent Styles’s queer expression. In an article by The Guardian, they note that he, “does not seek to portray himself as queer or straight but rather prefers to keep his dating life private,” per a 2023 interview. Many people view this perspective as textbook queerbaiting. His flamboyant style hinted at a queerness that he had no interest in confirming. Ultimately, people believe it was designed to garner LGBTQ+ goodwill and attention.
Eilish’s Controversial Sexuality
This same sentiment that drives Eilish’s accusations. Her streetwear style and non-conformist personality painted an image of queerness in the public mind. However, there’s a key difference that separates her from queerbaiting: Eilish is a queer woman, dead stop. In a November 2023 Variety interview, Eilish said, “I have deep connections with women in my life… I’m physically attracted to them.” She would later confirm this as an impromptu coming out in a follow-up interview.
So, why does she still receive queerbaiting criticism? By definition, Eilish is not “baiting” her audience. She is an openly queer woman. Her brand and music are genuine queer representation in the industry.
Many value action over words, putting that pressure on Eilish. Long before her official coming out, some of her music videos featured intimate moments between her and other women. In the music video for “Lost Cause,” Eilish’s sensuality with women was clear. She rolls around in bed with them, stares promiscuously at them, and they even shoot silly string at one another sensually. It’s difficult to ignore the sapphic nature, yet no same-sex partner was anywhere to be seen. For the public to accept her queerness as valid, she would have to date a woman publicly.
That idea survives to this day. Long after her coming out, she continues to be open about her queerness. In the track “LUNCH,” she sings provocative lyrics about how much she loves having sex with women. However, every one of her public relationships has been with men. Again, the controversy stems from the lack of actual women in her romantic life. How can you sing about your attraction to women and then get caught kissing another man?
Can Real People Queerbait?
The discourse surrounding Eilish’s kiss with Wolff indicates something deeper than queerbaiting. Many people place an unfair, even invalidating, pressure on certain public figures when it comes to queerness. Eilish can verbally identify as queer and express attraction to both men and women, but unless she publicly dates a woman, she’s labeled a, “queerbaiter.” This is a toxic, reductive mindset that demands people prove their sexuality to everyone. It’s invasive to personal boundaries; private affairs must be verified for public approval.
This is not to dismiss the idea of queerbaiting entirely. Queerbaiting as a marketing strategy in media like TV or books is a very real and deceptive practice. People’s adverse reaction to that concept is a valid fear. LGBTQ+ viewers have every right to dislike being taken advantage of.
However, celebrities like Eilish are more than media; they’re real people with private lives. While she allows glimpses into her sexuality through her music, Eilish’s dating life is her own. Her style, often viewed as adjacent to her queerness, is not that at all. As she explains in the Variety interview, she wears baggy clothing to prevent the sexualization of her body. It’s symbolic of her privacy and values, not her sexuality.
Take Heartstopper actor Kit Connor, for instance. He starred in a queer show, being part of an on-screen, same-sex romance opposite of actor Joe Locke. However, he received harsh accusations of queerbaiting when he was spotted holding hands with actress Maia Reficco in 2022. The backlash forced him to come out publicly. According to Deadline, he simply tweeted, “I’m bi. Congrats for forcing an 18-year-old to out himself. I think some of you missed the point of the show. Bye.”
Queerness Can Be Private
It’s misguided to apply the “queerbaiter” title to real people. If Connor chooses to be in a heterosexual relationship, that doesn’t make him any less bisexual. Much like Connor, Eilish has no obligation to validate her queerness by publicly dating the same sex. Her life is not subject to a marketing strategy, nor must it adhere to what we view as, “truly queer.” Putting queerness into a “same-sex” box is contradictory to its inherent fluidity. It’s defined by the person navigating it, not by the standards of a public narrative.
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