In a dating landscape dominated by swipes and algorithms, a new phenomenon has emerged. One that mixes social networking with a serious dose of crowdsourced accountability. The Facebook group and companion app, “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” (AWDTSG), has taken off like wildfire, gaining millions of members across major cities, most of which are women. The premise is simple, yet genius. You post screenshots of a guy you’re dating, or thinking about dating, and then ask the ultimate question: “Any tea?” And if someone has a story, you’ll hear about it. If not, at least you know you checked.
At first glance, AWDTSG looks like a girl-powered whisper network, a virtual safety net for navigating today’s dating jungle. In theory, it’s the antidote to ghosters, gaslighters, and guys with secret fiancées. And honestly, for a lot of women, it works. The stories are endless. A user discovering her new flame was actually married, another realizing the man who, “didn’t believe in labels,” was seeing four other women. There’s even a now-viral case of one guy who was dating 80 women at the same time without protection.
There’s power in this. In a world where one in four women reports harassment or abuse on dating apps, according to Pew Research, it feels good to know other women have your back. AWDTSG is the digital version of texting your group chat screenshots, only this time, the group chat is 150,000 people strong. In big cities like New York, Chicago, and L.A., the local groups are massive, and there’s something comforting about that solidarity. It’s women saying, “We’re not competing, we’re protecting each other.” For many, it’s not just about avoiding heartbreak, it’s about staying safe and smart.
But like every viral trend, AWDTSG comes with its own complications. Things get messy because posting a man’s photo without his consent isn’t just ethically murky, it could be legally risky. What do you do when a post isn’t actually true? Lawsuits are already happening. In one case, a man in Chicago sued 27 women after being labeled “psycho.” Another case in California sought millions on 50 different women in damages. And while some lawsuits were thrown out, they’ve raised a critical point that is, what starts as a PSA can quickly look like public shaming. Add in a few personal grudges, and suddenly a group built for safety can be made out to be the wild west of character assassination.
There’s also a vibe shift to consider. What began as women banding together sometimes devolves into gossip spirals that feel more Bravo than PSA. The comments can get snarky and the threads can turn mean. And while some find the drama delicious, others worry it undermines the group’s core mission that is, protecting women, not dragging men for fun. It begs the question, “Is this empowerment, or are we accidentally gamifying judgment?”
But still, AWDTSG is undeniably a cultural moment. It says a lot about what dating feels like right now. Unpoliced, unregulated, and often unsafe. When the apps don’t vet the men and the platforms don’t protect us, we create our own systems. The phenomenon isn’t just about men behaving badly, it’s also about women refusing to stay in the dark and stay silent. The ethical lines can be blurry and there are real risks. But that’s become a trade-off of dating in 2025. When privacy feels optional and safety is DIY, the group chat just went global.
So, would you join? Would you drop a name to protect another woman, even if it meant stepping into an ethical gray zone? For millions, the answer is already yes. And in the era of disposable and online dating, AWDTSG isn’t just a group, it’s a survival strategy.
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