Ruth Westheimer, better known as Dr. Ruth, passed away this weekend at the age of 96. At 4 feet, 7 inches tall, and with her signature German accent, the pioneering sexpert brought openness, joy, and authenticity to sex therapy.
After escaping Nazi-occupied Germany in 1939 to a children’s home in Switzerland, then-Karola Ruth Siegel secretly borrowed her male friend’s school books to continue her education, even as girls were barred from enrolling in high school. As she got older, Dr. Ruth found herself serving in the Israeli army, earning a psychology degree from the Sorbonne in Paris, a Master’s in sociology from the New School, a doctorate from Teachers College of Columbia University, teaching in various universities, and working in her private sex therapy practice. (She did all of that without a high school diploma and before the age of 50.)
Dr. Ruth, a licensed sex therapist, was introduced to the world of sex as a teenager and was bewildered that something so beautiful about the world could be seen as dirty.
Don’t just sit there and suffer. Don’t fake it. Don’t be unhappy and frustrated. But do something about it
Dr. Ruth
But it wasn’t until her radio show, Sexually Speaking, and her TV show, The Dr. Ruth Show, premiered in 1980 and 1985, respectively, that Dr. Ruth became a household name.
Federal law prohibits “obscene, indecent and profane content” from broadcasting. But when Dr. Ruth began Sexually Speaking and The Dr. Ruth Show, the “goddess of good sex” covered exactly that. She spoke with honesty and frankness about sex, pleasure, and relationships, as highlighted in the 2019 Hulu documentary, Ask Dr. Ruth. “And then, let him insert his penis into the vagina, from behind,” she says in a clip featured in the documentary, explaining what would bring the most pleasure to a woman.
And despite calling herself “old-fashioned” and “square” while explaining why she doesn’t identify as a feminist in Ask Dr. Ruth, she did everything a feminist does; Dr. Ruth vocally supported Planned Parenthood, abortion rights, equal pay, equal rights, AIDS awareness, sexual issues, and LGBTQ+ rights. She preached respect for gay people at the height of the AIDS epidemic when no one else was talking about the crisis in that way, championing education and the search for a cure.
Dr. Ruth’s Wisdom
The producers of Ask Dr. Ruth peppered the documentary with iconic tidbits, advice, and sayings from Dr. Ruth. Here are just a few to remember her by:
- “Now say the word ‘sex’ with more emotion,” she said to a WNYC host while introducing her. On a different occasion, she told a late-night comedian, “I am going to make you say ‘vagina’ and ‘clitoris’ because I always hear you say ‘penis’.” Dr. Ruth made a point to say the “dirty,” or taboo words instead of using euphemisms, and made others say those words too.
- “Don’t just sit there and suffer. Don’t fake it. Don’t be unhappy and frustrated. But do something about it,” she said as advice to an audience.
- She reminded the film crew to call their mothers — just after offering them cookies.
- On a panel, she told the man sitting next to her, “Give her an orgasm. If you don’t know how to do that, I will teach you that next time.”
- “Whoever is applauding the loudest, I promise you good sex for the rest of your life,” Dr. Ruth announced to a crowd.
- “Get yourself out there and meet people,” was advice she gave frequently.
- The word “normal” was her least favorite word. One of her show’s producers said, “She’s always saying, ‘There’s no such thing as normal.’”
- People used to tell her that they saved their lives, “all because this grandmother on TV is talking about relationships, how we love, who we love.”
- On MTV, she said to Julie Brown, “Could you take his hand and show him how you need to be touched, how you need to be pleasured, in order to be happy? That’s what I’m after.” While she responded with embarrassment, Brown also expressed gratitude for the advice.
- “It has a little to do with my having to make decisions about my life early on showed me that women have to take the initiative and have the responsibility for themselves and for their own sexuality,” Dr. Ruth once said.
- “When you go out to dinner, let the guy pay once in a while,” her daughter recounted the icon saying to her once. You can do that, even when you’re a feminist, according to Dr. Ruth.
- At the end of every show, Dr. Ruth encouraged her audience to, “Have good sex!”
Dr. Ruth Westheimer, a legend and icon, will be forever missed. Her bright personality, openness, and radical vulnerability have changed the world for the better.
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