Snippets of an interview between former professional football player Cam Newton and psychology expert Dr. Cheyenne Bryant recently went viral. Viewers were taken aback by Cam Newton’s reactions to Dr. Bryant’s attempt to counsel him as the pair discussed relationships, marriage and children. The video led to an online conversation about what a high-value vs. high-functioning partner looks like, as well as the implications of wealthy men choosing to have multiple children with different women. Let’s unpack the meaning of high-value vs. high-functioning according to Dr. Bryant, as well as the consequences of creating “broken homes” as discussed in the interview.
High-Value Person
Dr. Bryant describes Cam Newton as a high-value man due to the material resources he has attained as a former high-profile football player. She uses Oprah Winfrey as an example of a high-value woman in a long-term relationship with her partner Stedman Graham, who Dr. Bryant considers low-value due to their extremely different financial backgrounds. Based on societal standards, low-income people would be considered low-value due to their limited financial security and potential lack of resources when entering a relationship. Dr. Bryant is very intentional about pointing out that being high-value is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship if you are internally broken, and cautions viewers against admiring all that glitters.
Dr. Bryant’s discussion of “high-value” individuals highlights the importance of questioning our dating politics because they are very much rooted in gender norms and expectations. Patriarchy, a societal system of oppression that empowers men at the expense of women, reinforces these typical gender norms; women are conditioned to choose men who will financially secure their future, and then are expected to conform to a domestic role in the home. But what does this mean for poor men? Are they less deserving of love because they lack finances? We must take into consideration other systemic barriers that prevent men, especially men of color, from being considered high-value.
This also does not mean women should settle for less than what they desire out of relationships, but poses the question: If you are not willing to compromise on a certain level of financial security from your partner, are you ready to patiently wait to find a “high-value,” emotionally mature individual, or will you settle for financial security at the expense of your other needs?
High-Functioning Person
Dr. Bryant also shares that based on the clients she counsels, at least 70% of women and 40% of men are low-functioning. She describes a high-functioning person as someone who does not need to trauma bond while in a relationship. This means that they choose to be with you, but they don’t need to be with you. A high-functioning person chooses the healed version of you, but can hold space for when your traumas and triggers show up. Dr. Bryant further explains that being too high-functioning can unfortunately result in someone not being able to handle the low-functioning part of their partner, which is not sustainable for a long-term partnership. An extremely high-functioning person is not able to form meaningful relationships due to an inability to connect to others’ vulnerability.
Dr. Bryant also acknowledges that trauma bonds often feel like intoxicating love between two people, but that these bonds result in a low-functioning relationship. Low-functioning people respond out of trauma, which can look like complete avoidance or extreme outbursts that lack emotional control when disagreements show up.
Dr. Bryant later uses the “fairytale ideology” to explain how women can lack emotional resilience whenever the ideal version of their partner does not show up in relationships. It becomes easy to dismiss your partner and potentially run away from the relationship when things are difficult because you lack the emotional capacity to communicate your needs. Once the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over, the responsibility lies on both parties to put in work to keep the spark alive. Without communicating how you want your partner to love you, you cannot expect to maintain a healthy relationship.
Creating Broken Homes
Another important discussion that came up during Cam Newton’s interview is the implication of having multiple children with multiple partners. Cam Newton admits that he has eight children with three different women and that he desires to have more, even though marriage is not his priority. Dr. Bryant considers his actions low-functional because he is very action-based on creating children without a stable home due to his fear of divorce. She considers this a selfish act of creating “broken” families because not all his children will receive the care and attention they deserve from him. After all, they lack a consistent father figure despite the consistent financial support he may provide them; like popular TV host Nick Cannon, who has 12 children with six different women, his financial abundance is not enough to compensate for the broken homes he is creating.
Patriarchy reinforces the idea that men are entitled to multiply their seed and pass their lineage — but that is an excuse to avoid responsibility. Women also share the blame for entertaining men who are not intentional about creating a healthy family dynamic for their children. This is why ultimately working on our low-functioning behaviors is needed to know our worth, and not tolerate relationships that could potentially lead to broken homes.
While the video has opened an interesting discourse online, the idea of a high-value person is rooted in classism, the systemic discrimination of people who are low-income. The conversation between Cam Newton and Dr. Bryant provides an important reminder to unpack your class bias while navigating relationships, including friendships. And while it is important to work toward being a high-functioning person, it is also important to not overdo it. Otherwise, you will become disconnected from authentic relationships, which are not meant to be perfect. To learn more from Dr. Bryant, be sure to check out her website and keep up with her content on YouTube.
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