Whether or not you follow politics, it’s likely that you’ve seen that video of 17-year-old Gus Walz cheering his dad on at the DNC. Democratic VP nominee Tim Walz walks on stage, and Gus immediately rises to his feet, clapping and shouting “that’s my dad” as tears stream down his face.
A big contributor to the clip’s virality was its heartwarming nature. People quickly identified with Gus’s expression of pride and support for his father. Seeing Gus be so openly passionate, weeping with joy and yelling out to his dad that he loves him moved the internet deeply.
If that encompassed everyone’s reaction, though, we wouldn’t be here. The video of Gus would simply join the archive of wholesome content, among the ranks of veterans reuniting with their families or a baby laughing for the first time. But this is the internet, so cue the latest Gus Walz “discourse,” which is actually just adults bullying minors on the internet.
Podcaster Alec Lace, who has four children of his own, couldn’t resist from tweeting “Get that kid a tampon already” in response to the video. Twitter user “Keez Nutz” charmingly wrote “Beta energy,” while media pundit Ann Coulter also kept her snub thoughts brief in her response that said “talk about weird…”.
Interestingly enough, Coulter later deleted her Tweet and apologized, saying that she didn’t know Gus had autism. Gus’s actual diagnoses are a nonverbal learning disorder, ADHD, and anxiety, but that is beside the point. He is a minor. That is reason enough to refrain from bullying him online.
The main tweet we’d like to unpack is from 31-year-old Mike Crispi. He wrote: “Tim Walz stupid crying son isn’t the flex the left thinks it is. You raised your kid to be a puffy beta male. Congrats. Does Barron Trump cry? Nope. Does he love his father? Of course. That’s the types of values I want leading the country.”
Let’s put aside for a minute the fact that this tweet is about a high schooler. The last line of Crispi’s tweet is the fundamental message of this petty cyberbullying. It’s no doubt that Gus loves his father, Crispi admits, but he fails to represent the good old American value of men not crying.
All of those tweets — likening Gus Walz to a woman by making a joke about tampons, the usage of the word beta, and describing him crying as weird — all point to the underlying thread of toxic masculinity in our culture.
Why can’t boys cry?
From the day we’re born, we’re constantly being sent different messages — both implicit and explicit — that reinforce binary gender roles. No, seriously — even when shopping for baby clothes, you might come across onesies marketed for baby boys that say “lock up your daughters.”
Those who dare to question these roles and express themselves freely, such as trans and nonbinary people or anyone who transgresses the expectations of the gender they identify with, are subject to ridicule. Microaggressions, exclusion, or being called a “beta” on Twitter are all mechanisms that uphold the patriarchy.
Toxic masculinity upholds the idea that men who express any emotion other than anger are weak. Under that ideology, a man who acts violently toward others is more of a man than a man who is a victim of violence. Any human expression of emotion, such as crying, is “not allowed” if you’re a man.
This policing of what it means to be a man, and how it can impact men’s mental health, hurts everyone (unsurprisingly). It hurts the women whose partners are emotionally unavailable, or whose partners express themselves through abuse. It hurts men who suffer in silence, and who don’t get help before it’s too late. It hurts young boys like Gus, who get picked on for expressing their feelings authentically.
Promoting healthy masculinity
In order to move away from toxic masculinity, we need to move away from shame. Obviously, this is much easier said than done — at the same time, change on a large scale begins with the interpersonal. A lot of toxic masculinity dictates what not to do. But what if we start embracing and encouraging authenticity?
The notion that crying makes a man weak is absolutely not true — in fact, crying is a sign of strength. It’s a sign that you’re in touch with your emotions, and that you’re able to express them in lieu of bottling them up. Doing so brings you closer to others and closer to yourself. There are so many reasons that someone might cry — heartbreak, laughter, sorrow, pride — and being able to feel those feelings wholly is a beautiful thing.
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