5 Things We Wish We Knew Before Leaving for College

The upcoming school year is just around the corner. A new school year can mean new clothes, new books, and new material, but for the class of 2024, it could also mean packing up and leaving home for the first time. The transition from high school to college is one unlike any other, and for some, it can feel pretty scary. To ease the worries of the upcoming freshman class, here are 5 things we wish we had known before leaving for college, and some tips to help you navigate your first year of college! 

1. Roommate Conflict is Normal

Whether you’re a seasoned professional or brand new at living with someone new, old, loved, or hated, there will be conflict. When you are spending together time every day, you are undoubtedly going to get annoyed at some point, but Dr. Marisa Franco says “It is not conflict that hurts our friendships; it’s how we have it.” Essentially, there are healthy and relationship-deepening ways to handle conflict that Dr. Franco says can be accomplished by adding these three things into your conversation with your roommate: 

Asking Questions

One way to promote a positive and healthy conversation in the heat of conflict is perspective-taking which is when you step into the other person’s shoes and try to see their perspective. Perspective-taking can only be accomplished by asking the other person, in this situation, your roommate, questions. 

Here are some questions to ask: 

• How did this make you feel?
• What was your reasoning?
• Did I do something? 
• What can I do better? 

Embrace Vulnerability 

Another way to move a heated conversation towards a calm and healthy conversation is to embrace vulnerability. In conflict, it is easy to become defensive when someone has commented, picked on, or pointed out an insecurity. To avoid a hostile environment, try to talk about your insecurities, worries, and overall emotions. 

Here are some ways to practice embracing vulnerability: 

• Talk about the past events that have shaped your opinions and lifestyles; like if growing up with a strict parent has made you strict on cleaning your room, doing dishes, etc. 
• When you talk about the conflict at hand, speak only in “I” statements (i.e. I feel this way because…) 
• Do not lie about your feelings or opinions so you can set boundaries. 

Embrace Uncertainty

Finally, Dr. Franco recommends adults embrace their uncertainty about the situation because it allows for many possible truths to be discussed. Embracing uncertainty can look like recognizing your roommate has done something wrong, but that you will still be living with them so ruining the relationship would not be helpful in this situation. This tool can be helpful in any conflicting situation. 

Here are some ways to practice embracing uncertainty: 

• Asking questions about their intentions, goals, and motivations. 
• Considering what other choices could have been made and their outcomes. 
• Ask them about circumstances (i.e. was there something in their way stopping them from making a better choice). 

Our Notes on Roommates and Conflict 

Although it is unlikely you will go a year without fighting with your roommate, bettering your communication skills can ease the tension of conflict. Whether you are confrontational or not, communication is the biggest skill you can have in college, especially when it comes to roommate troubles. 

Here are some ideas to try out with your roommate: 

• Ask them what their boundaries are (i.e. do you study at certain times and does playing music aloud distract you?). 
• Ask them about their pet peeves and share your own. 
• Set your boundaries (i.e. saying “I feel overwhelmed when our trash is overflowing, can we try to make a schedule so it doesn’t get this full again?”) 
• Ask about their home life for a better understanding of how they were raised. 
• Confrontation does not need to be threatening but should be straightforward. 

2. You’re Responsible for Your Well-Being

This might be the first time you have control over what you eat, how much physical activity you get, how much you study, or how often you clean. This can seem like a breath of fresh air — until you’re sick and nobody is there to take care of you. Since college is a time of freedom for students, it is easy to become wrapped up in bad habits like going out every night, eating junk food for every meal, never being active, or forgetting to wash your trusty pair of sweatpants. 

Here are some tips for balancing your time to ensure you maintain healthy habits: 

• Build a weekday schedule and a weekend schedule to organize the different responsibilities on your plate. 
• Plan out slots of time to work on long-term assignments, projects, and tests so you are ready for the due date. 
• Find an accountability buddy who can stay in and study with you on the nights you want to go out but really shouldn’t. 
• Take time out of each day, even if it’s fifteen minutes, to sit in silence, alone. This lets your mind and body decompress and allows you to catch up with yourself. 
• Make a list of habits you would like to have for the school year then reserve time each day to practice these. 
• Set up a day each week, each day, or however frequently works for you, to do laundry, dishes, and pick up your room. 
• Try not to study in bed so you can have a safe place that is not associated with stress, only restfulness. 
• When you start to feel sick, use school resources to find a health center and get medications. Also, be sure to locate a 24-hour pharmacy near campus just in case you ever need one. 
• Block out time each week for free time, not social time, and not study time, but time to do whatever you feel like doing. 

3. You Can Balance Old & New Friendships

One of the hardest parts of leaving home is leaving the people who made it home. But there are still so many people who will love you that you are about to meet! When you find yourself settled in at school and have a few friends, you can lose sight of the friendships at home. 

Here are some ways to nurture your old friendships: 

• Call a friend on the way to or from class. 
• Every time you are reminded of a friend, shoot them a text. 
• Compare schedules and see if there’s a time that you are both free to video chat. 
• Plan hangouts for when you are home. 
• Do monthly mental well-being check-ins. 

Ways to nurture the new friendships: 

• Ask someone in class to meet up and study
• Ask to grab lunch on or off campus 
• Ask to go to the gym together, walk together, or play a game together. 
• Invite them to your dorm. 
• Get each other’s contact information. 

4. Cheating Only Cheats You

With the new freedom and independence, schoolwork can become an afterthought in your life. But using ChatGPT or any Artificial Intelligence tools will only take you to one place: your dean’s office. When you cheat, whether it’s off your friend’s work or by using the internet, you are only making the semester harder for yourself. Instead, try to make an academic work schedule that allows you to get your work done efficiently and correctly! 

Here are some non-cheating college tools to use: 

• Grammarly
• College Tools 
• Quizlet 
• Owl Purdue Citation Machine
• Coursera
• myHomework
• Khan Academy
• Youtube

Be sure to check your class syllabus to see if there are any app restrictions! 

5. Embrace the Awkward

Whether you see an ex, a hookup, or even a friend you’ve fallen out with on campus, don’t worry — there are ways you can navigate the interaction to lessen the awkward tension. When you embrace awkwardness by laughing at yourself, or brushing whatever happened off your shoulder, you allow yourself to move on and recover fast! Remember: it is only awkward if you are being awkward. 

Here are some ways to recover from awkwardness: 

• Make a joke at nobody’s expense 
• Laugh it off 
• Own it! (nobody can tell if you’re faking confidence or not!) 
• Admit it (“Wow that was awkward, anyways…”) 
• Transition into a new conversation 

Time Flies, Don’t Blink it Away 

College is only four years, and it’ll go by in the blink of an eye. Be sure to take in every moment, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. Remember to call home every now and then and to go to class! But most importantly, we want to congratulate the class of 2024 for making this huge transition. We are all wishing you the best of luck and we hope these tips come in handy this year!